During our lives we can have many relationships and some of these relationships can work for what feels as though moments and others can appear to last a lifetime. It could be greeting someone we may never see again or embracing someone we will see many times.
These relationships can range between a youth friends, colleagues, family members or somebody for instance. And no matter how old or young we are; what is clear is that individuals have all had relationships that have started and relationships that attended to an end. For these beginnings and endings are part of life.
Now, some of these may be relationships that individuals wish had never been started and relationships that individuals wish had never arrived at an end. But what life shows us is that individuals never understand how long a relationship will last.
The Relationship That Lasts
However, there is one relationship that for provided that we live can never arrived at an end. We would wish it would end sometimes and deny this relationship at other times, but it still exists. And this relationship – is usually the one we’ve with ourselves.
And although our external circumstances may change and our external relationships can end; this is a relationship that’s always ever present and in motion.
What I believed was a great metaphors for explaining this dynamic was a conversation that I’d many years ago with my late father. I used to visit a fighting styles club that has been a brief drive far from where I lived and this first began when I was at school and ended within my college years.
And to paraphrase the thing that was said in this conversation: tillid mistet til partner I said something over the lines of; it is was interesting how although I’d left school and other experiences had come and gone in my life, what remains is me going to the fighting styles club.
I recently considered how this mirrors the connection that individuals have with ourselves.
The Greatest Rejection
Although it is feasible for another human being to neglect, reject, betray, criticise and abandon us; it is also possible that individuals are doing these very things to ourselves internally.
We could feel overwhelmed and frustrated with one of these external relationships and then, follow that up with the abuse and neglect of ourselves. And one thing that’s certain about life is that not everybody encourage us or respond in ways that validates us.
This is exactly what makes it so important that individuals don’t close the door on the connection that has the potential to bring the best joy and fulfilment.
Relationship with Ourselves
The relationships that individuals have with others will simply ever be as effective as the connection we’ve with ourselves. It’s highly unlikely which our external relationships will ever surpass our inner relationship.
Whether our life will rise or fall depends on the quality of our relationship with ourself and as an expansion of the – our relationships with others.
And certainly one of reasons why external rejection, abandonment and neglect like are so painful is really because these feelings often exist within. They’re perspectives and outlooks that you can come to identify with. This is because during our childhood year’s one is usually rejected and abandoned and unless these experiences have already been processed, they will lay dormant and have the potential to be triggered at any moment by the relationships that one has with others.
And if ones relationship with themselves is pretty much nonexistent there may naturally be an over reliance and dependence on another. This will then lead to valuing someone else more than one values themselves. Compromising ones needs and wants for another person.
Here ones loses who they are in your partner or people and only knows who they are on the basis of the acceptance that arises from these external relationships. Ones emotional and mental state will completely be determined by other people’s behaviour.
As it pertains to getting touching ourselves and in tune with who we are; it is not always easy. And this is often due to the ideas we’ve acquired from others. These ideas have then formed our perceptions of who we are.
This becomes our conditioned self or ego mind and creates our identity. However, what is true and what is real for us may not have anything related to this conditioning. The sole person that can say who we are – is ourselves.
So possibly the only reason why we’ve neglected or rejected ourselves is due to the ideas we’ve about who we are. And these ideas have in all probability got almost no related to who we actually are.
Connection to our true selves is unlikely to happen overnight. And this is because just like a tree or a seed that is just a seed; it takes time for you to open and expand onto the environment.
It is also normal for one to feel unsafe and vulnerable during early stages of reforming this relationship. And this is because the ego mind has created an identity and formed an association of what is safe based on how things were. So as you changes their connection to themselves; their identity and therefore their behaviour will change.
This then has the potential to generate conflict and resistance not merely within, but in addition from without.
Being There For Ourselves
We will then begin to aid ourselves from within. Through the moments where we feel neglected or rejected externally; we can ensure that we are there for ourselves during these moments internally.
Our own capacity to mentally and emotionally regulate and sooth ourselves may also increase. And because our own self appreciation and self respect has increased for who we are, we is likewise able to ask for help once we require it.
Relationships With Others
What’ll also occur are deeper and more meaningful relationships with others. As I mentioned previously about our relationship with others always reflecting the connection we’ve with ourselves; it is an all-natural consequence that the relationships we’ve with others will change once we change.
As are self integrity increases we shall attract others who have integrity and by accepting who we are; it will allow others to gravitate to us who accept us. The relationships in our life that don’t honour who we are may also begin to change and maybe even arrived at an end.